swingin'

you follow.
you don't know how to ride a bike, so you follow.
you forget how to cross the street, so you follow.

not sure where you want to live, so, you follow.
perhaps it will be an adventure. perhaps a very bad idea full of regret.

you're not sure how to dance. so you join a swing dancing class.

after years of teachers' comments on your report cards saying you are a born leader, and womens studies classes teaching you what they teach you, following in a dance class should be something that feels unnatural, or just plain wrong.

for me, it's just not so.

since, by this point in my life i seem to be a born follower, i fit in nicely.

the class is full of mostly beginners. there are more girls than guys, so sometimes tonight i found myself sitting out. then i'd get paired with a guy who was just as useless as me. i found myself searching for the one or two guys in the room who knew what they were doing.

and when i found him, right before class ended, it felt like the universe made sense.

they say that once we all get the basics down, it's the woman (the follower) who gets to make the dancing look pretty and frilly (naturally). girls in class (though tonight was only the first 'real' class) have skipped ahead to the frilly and come wearing special shoes and billowy skirts.

for now though, all we have to do is follow. and like i said, i'm damn good at it. the hard part is finding someone strong and experienced who will lead.

it sounds so wrong, but it feels so right!

back step, triple step, step step, triple step.

ta-da!